Full Expression

My hands are itching. My body wants to move. But i am scared. I am on an open mic and the tunes feel like they are lifting me up. Somehow my body wants to go on stage but it does not make any sense. I did not grow up with music. I always thought i had no rhythm. I am holding it in. Holding it in. Until one day i can no longer hold.

God wants to be expressed through me and my human cannot contain it. I walk up on stage. The singer is happy im there. Im nervous but slowly i start feeling the beat. Every time i get in my head my body stops. Im sweating. But then i let go. And something changes. The world disappears and i become the beat. Wow. Im liking this. Im on stage now, jamming. Huh, is this me? Lately expression has been a theme for me. My throat chakra has been opening more and more. I understood how much i had been holding in over the years. When i was a child my emotions were not really allowed to be there.

Dont take me wrong. My parents are amazing. But my dad was working his ass off to provide for the family so my mum had to take care of all three of us and became mum and dad at the same time. My little brother was struggling a little at school (very smart but probably bored) while my big brother was going through his puberty changes. And i. I was very emotional. I longed to be seen and understood in my depths. I longed for deep conversations about life. I longed to be trusted in my spiritual gifts and guided. But there was no space. So i swallowed. Swallowed. And swallowed some more. Started judging my emotions as negative and my premonitions as rubbish and made up. Because i urged to belong and pretending like i was normal just made it easier. At least a part of me felt like i belonged.

Until later when i realized i was different. My sensitivity was different. I knew what was happening before it happened and i could sense peoples emotions and feelings very easily. I had dreams whereby i would receive important messages for friends or animals. My spiritual journey started and around me no one was going through the same thing. I felt more alone than i had ever been. It took me years to come to terms with who i am, to balance my human and spiritual needs, to dare to stand up in my wisdom and expression. And im growing in it every single day.

Opening more and understanding more what i really need, what my gifts are and sharing them with the world. But that night something changed inside of me. I realized we were all expressions of god. And there is no way i can hold my expression away from the world. It is too big. Too wild. Too strong. Expressing myself keeps me healthy, happy and sane.

I wish that you dare to express yourself too. Because you are an expression of god too. So what is it that has been bottling up inside of you? What do you really wanna do? What do you really wanna say? You've got this. The world is waiting for you. Just the way you are.

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