Follow the impulse: A blog about how following your internal voice can set you free

Yesterday I was chatting to a friend of mine. She told me how she had fallen in love. Somehow she felt called to tell me. I knew why because I had just witnessed two girls and one guy making a relationship work. It was a beautiful process to watch. The communication, the love, the joy that they found with each other. It was a blessing to witness.

So I told her one thing. That things would turn out okay. And to trust her urges. Her nudges. To follow those impulses and see where it led.

Lately I had them too. Many impulses to expand my view on sexuality. To open up my mind and to discover more. At the beginning I judged it, resisted it. But the urge was too strong and resisting it was making me tired that I decided to give in. I booked massages with happy endings, tantric massages, became very direct towards guys and opened myself up in ways that I had never done before (no pun intended).

It was freeing to say the least. I felt more at ease in my own body. It became easier to connect with others. To see them in their humanity. To not see them as ideal people but as real people with flaws and downsides. And to embrace my own in the process. Opening up to other people allowed me to sink deeper in my own being, in my own self. And funnily enough it brought me closer to my longing for a monogamous relationship.

I guess a part of me was not certain. A part of me still wanted to explore. To discover. And that part was pushing. To be set free. So that that part can go and I can really rest in a monogamous partnership. My god, I hope the partnership itself will be easier than writing that word.

Trusting and following my urge was scary. Because I thought it would make me more wild, more tantric and I would end up in an open relationship. But it did the opposite. It brought me closer to myself, to my loyalty, to my desires for family.

You know that feeling when the urge is so strong that it is almost animalistic? Like you see that chocolate cake and you want it so bad that you can hardly resist? Or music starts playing and you want to dance so bad that your whole body starts vibrating? Or you see that sexy girl and you just want to make love with her all night long?

That urge is so strong because it comes from our subconscious. From the part of ourselves that we cannot really control. It is not meant to be controlled. But it is meant to be trusted. Because our subconscious had one task and that is lifewards. It will always lead us to the direction of allowing more life to flow through us. Because it wants nothing else than to make your life awesome and to make you happy.

If we let it.

And that is the hard part. Because we tend to get stuck with images of ourselves and beliefs of ourselves that have shaped from the past, from our experiences and from society. But those beliefs might no longer be in line with who we are today. And those experiences might no longer serve you.

The subconscious lives in the here and now. It shows you how more life, more passion, more joy can be created right now.

However, most of us live with our minds. With our molds and our forms. And by that we are shaping a future just like the past. But the future can be even more awesome than the past!

In order to let that magic happen we need to let go. Let go of our minds and allow our subconscious to steal the show. Trust those nudges, those wiggles, those tendencies even if you judge them or do not understand them. Follow them and see where it leads you.

Like now. I wanted to go to a cowork place to work but really felt like a coffee so here I am sitting in a café drinking a coffee. And while I am zipping my coffee I feel a desire to open my laptop and start typing. I have been typing words for over an hour now, while otherwise I would have pushed myself to sit down in the cowork and work. From force, rather than flow.

Another nuggle. To order a banana bread. I am taking the first bite and realize I don’t want this at all. Hmm what a waste of money. But is it? Because it showed me that I do not want this stuff in my body anymore. Bananas yes, bananabread no. I had to eat it to feel the resistance in my body. A man walks past. I just know he wants the bananabread so I give it to him. He smiles at me happily. Sits down. Takes a break. I think he started work early and works hard every day. Has just enough money to feed the family. And here I was, able to give him a bananabread. I feel blessed. To have ordered the bananabread. It gave me two presents that were way more valuable than eating the bananabread itself ever could have.

Maybe you feel stagnant in your life. Maybe you feel like you are lacking passion. Not sure what to do.

Stagnancy always means one thing. That we are ignoring the internal movements inside of us. Because life is. And will always be in motion.

It is up to you to allow that motion inside of you. So that life can flow. And you can flow. In ways that go beyond your wildest imaginations.